Whenever I start something new (which has been an ongoing theme in my adult life) there’s this familiar anxiety, anticipation, and intense desire to succeed and leave a good impression. It creates a baseline of stress but is an exciting emotional experience as I discover this new program, meet my new colleagues, and really settle into the beginning of my new career as a specialist.
I’m into my fourth month here, and I am incredibly blessed to have matched here. My co-residents are strong and supportive, my program director is arguably the best around, and every attending I’ve had the privilege of interacting with is completely dedicated to their craft, their patients, and to guiding us learners. It’s going to be an amazing five years for me!
And while this is an essentially positive experience for me, it’s a different kind of beginning for Josh. It’s another beginning where he’s followed me to a location that doesn’t offer him much in terms of moving forward. It’s a beginning where he has to create a new career, a new plan and new goals based on having to move for my dreams. It’s a beginning where he’s had to move somewhere he didn’t choose, with nothing waiting there for him specifically.
In that sense, it’s been a season of being unsettled. Trying to figure out what life here will look like for both of us. Trying to get our fixer upper of a house livable, and feeling like a home. Trying to find a place for all our plants. Trying to convince our rescue dog that we aren’t going to abandon her when we leave for work. Trying to find our people in this new city. Trying to find routine.
Josh and I talk every day about the importance of positivity; taking our emotions, our reality, our day to day and investing in the things that bring us joy, community and purpose. We’re making some amazing friends, we’re planning some fulfilling and exciting things for Basic Needs when we can afford it, and we’re making this shanty house our own. We’re even learning to enjoy the prairies, after having to leave the west coast (our first love), the ocean and the trees.
And ultimately we know that we are a part of something bigger than the right now; we must continue to strive and grow and learn everything we can in each season. We’re cherishing the moments that give us a glimpse of the beautiful future that is awaiting us, despite the feeling of being unsettled. And best of all, we’re starting to find the joy.
- lydia
